After hours of research I found what seems like the only solution: Cocoa-MySQL + MySQL C-API
According to this blog, all you seem to need is Cocoa-MySQL, but no matter what I tried, I just couldn't seem to get the binaries to link correctly. Not to mention, Apple has a pretty strict limitation on private frameworks, and this solution probably goes against one of their 20 NDAs.
This is where MySQL C-API comes in handy. I downloaded Mac OS X 10.5 (TAR package) for my x86 Intel system. Extract the zip and grab the /lib and /include folders and throw them into some local directory (NOT IN YOUR XCODEPROJ, see steps 4, 5 below).
From the Cocoa-MySQL site, download MCPKit_src_XXX.dmg, and grab the contents of /MCPFoundationKit and throw it into your XCODEPROJ. These are great wrapper classes that help facilitate the connection & query processes.
If you tried to build the app right now, you'd get errors stating missing headers and mysql_xxx_xxx functions. That's because we haven't set up the project settings yet.
1. In Xcode, goto Project > Edit Project Settings.
2. Select the Build tab.
3. Under Linking > Other Linking FLags, add the following flags: -lmysqlclient_r, -lmysqld, -lmysqlclient, -lm, -lz
4. Under Search Paths > Header Search Paths:
5. Under Search Paths > Library Search Paths:
7. Edit MCPKit_bundled.h by changing all #import
Now you should be able to build, and use the sample code from the blog previously mentioned to directly connect to a remote MySQL server.